Someday...

Someday I'll be good enough for you.
Someday you'll say you're proud of me.
Someday, you'll actually look at me and stop seeing me as a failure.

Someday you'll say kind words to me.
Someday you'll look at me and smile
Someday you'll actually love me.

Someday...you stop being ashamed of me
Someday you'll love me back
Someday...my heart won't break

I'm never going to be like you
I am never going to be your reflection
I do the best I can... I try to make you proud

I look at myself, I wish I could make you love me
I wish you wouldn't be ashamed of me
I want you to be proud....why can't I do anything right?

Please...please...please love me...please...please be proud
Please....please stop breaking me into pieces.

Please....just be my mom.

Libre...

Hoy me siento libre....
como una paloma en el viento...
sin las alas atadas, restricción...ninguna.

Hoy me siento libre...
para abrir el libro
para cerrar los capítulos
para liberar mi ser.

Libre, como las olas del mar
libre,como las mariposas
libre, así como el viento

Hoy me siento libre...
para comenzar una vez mas
para clamar mis sentimientos
para por fin respirar.

Hoy me siento libre...
como un colibrí en la flor
sin mis manos atadas, sin limites infernales.

Libre, como las olas del mar
libre, como una gota de agua
libre, así como la mar.

How to survive in a foreign country and not get maimed or killed in the process

So…I previously mentioned I have had my vast experience working with tourist, in Disney and the two souvenir shops I have worked in Old San Juan (Puerto Rico’s old district) for two year and a half and Oh My God! Have I learned what not to do if I ever visit some other countries that are unknown to me.  I have written about all the s@#^ tourists have said to me, but trust me…you haven’t heard the half of it! I have been lucky enough to have travel to more than 15 states in the US, various places in Latin America and Europe, and I have always know how to behave, but trust me  I totally have picked up quite a bit of don’t do’s.

•              Know what currency you can use or is used!  

This way you know what your spending budget is, you know how much the money translates to from your currency to the country’s currency and etc., there is a reason there are banks, tourist centers and currency exchanges, but that doesn't mean you are allowed to call the country’s currency as: “crap, ridiculous or worthless”.

·         Know some of the country’s history before you open your mouth and say something you’ll regret, and do not voice your opinion over any political situation (unless you are an expert in political sciences)
Why? Because you neither live there belong to the society or culture, you do not see what happens day by day. By knowing a country’s means that as a visitor you are showing your true interest in the place you are visiting, shows you have respect for the country and that you are there to enjoy it. Do not assume, do not compare, and do not think that just because a country has similarities to another it is the same. 

·         Do not insult the culture, the people, the food or common beliefs
Oh…this is so important.  I come from a culture that has so many different heritages that perhaps it is easy for me to understand this. You are in a foreign country, that you decided to visit, this mean… you must adapt to them, not the other way around. If there is something to be proud of is culture, it is what helped form the society you are visiting and you are not allowed to utter: “The music is crappy, the historical sites are boring, why do people celebrate  (insert holiday or festival here)  that is so stupid, why do you eat (insert typical food here) that is disgusting!” To you, it might not make sense or logic, but it’s not you place to say that your culture is better, your country is better…to you yes, to the natives no. There is nothing more disrespectful than a stranger acting superior just because they come from a certain place, speak a certain language or have a certain economic blessing.

·         Going to a shopping mall should not be a priority!
For me it was insulting having someone say that they had to get to the mall before they saw anything else in Puerto Rico. There is nothing bad with checking out the mall, but it shouldn't be no.1 priority. There are always much more interesting places to go, check out the museums, the historic monuments, ask locals for restaurant tips, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised! I've had some of the best times by just asking for travel advice from a local.

·         Never, ever, EVER treat the people that are giving you some type of service like garbage
Have you heard the phrase: “don’t f%$& with people that handle your food”? Well, same concept. Being nice to your servers, housekeeping, store clerk or front desk attendant, can be the differences between getting lost in a strange city or getting awesome travel advice. They are not beneath you; you do not know their level of education or social standing. Always treat them with respect and if possible leave them a tip or a nice note. I believe that if you get an amazing service, make sure it is known.  Always tip your server if they gave good service and if you got amazing service, make sure they know it. It can make their day and if for some reason you were to return, they might just want to take care of you again.

• 
  

Why I am a tattooed lady...

First of all,  I've always been fascinated with any type of body adornment, modification or ritual. I was (and still am) one of those weird kids that would spend hours watching Discovery Channel, History Channel; and reading National Geographic Magazine. Whenever I would travel with my family, my special place I had to visit was a museum or aquarium or something along that educational line. Yes, I was an odd child. Anyway, ever since I can remember, I loved the way ink looked on the body, be a Vietnam veteran's arm, a Maori's face, henna on a brides feet and hands or a college student's body. I can still hear my grandma's voice saying: Ady, but that tattoo business is for sailors, criminal and bad people to which I would respond: But, Tata, I like them...does that make me a bad person?  I always loved those temporary tattoos and I would take such good care of them (like a real tattoo) that they lasted!

So I became a teenager and after much begging my mom, I got a 2nd earring in each ear. This made me for a bit part of the "cool crowd" at school, until most of the girls got their belly buttons pierced or their ear cartilage pierced, but I still wanted more; but of course when you're 14-17 (which is when I most wanted to get tattooed) you can't get one...well not a legal or  sanitary one at least. When I turned 18 I was in a relationship where I still wanted to get tattooed, but for fear of my mom finding out and my current boy-friend rejecting me, I put the desire aside and told myself it could wait. I broke up with him and 1 month later after the breakup... I was a no longer a tattoo virgin. 

 I'll confess that my 1st tattoo was more for fun (especially since I did it spur of the moment) and its meaning has changed, but right now I see it as a way to sort of breakaway from the clean cut image I have always had. Yes, I still look like a goody-two-shoes, but it's a heck of a conversation starter for people who see 1 of my inks for 1st time and ask me Why? What does it mean? Where did you get the idea?

 

My 2nd ink I gt with my friend Toni during our amazing weekend in Miami after she finished the DCP (Disney College Program) and I was 2 weeks away from finishing my DCP. This is the tattoo my mom discovered on lazy afternoon at the beach. Sorry Mom...I lied, I got my 2nd tattoo in FL and my 1st one here in PR. I did it more to show myself that I survived living 5 months away from home. 

I have never regretted any of my 4 tattoos, but being drunk and getting tattooed and laying on a friend's bed...not a very good idea. My 3rd baby was THE MOST PAINFUL. A bunch of us from the camp I was working at that summer went to one of the guy's house and his friend just happened to be a tattoo artist, we took him home, he got his things...one thing led to another and my Om and a lotus flower became 1. I think my favorite reactions of ink #3 was my mom's and her best friend (Sara) reaction. Her friend was freaking out because of the placement and  was asking if I was scared if the guy tried to peek at something else, my mom just looked at me and said: Wait! That thing grew! It wasn't that big before! I couldn't stop laughing after that one.

During December 2011 my mom kicked me out of the house, our relationship has always been like a hurricane. This was a time for depression, sadness, anger and most of all fear. I've always known how to survive, I was brought up by a single mom and 2 amazing grandparents, but no matter what anyone said top me, my heart was full of such anger and hate, I was deaf to any words of comfort or encouragement that most friends tried to give me. My friend Maria (my rock) mentioned one day not long after I was living by own that she wanted to get inked, of course I jumped at the opportunity and said Me too!

After our Saturday English Class we went to a place close to her house and got ready for the marking to begin. She took her 1st tattoo like a champ, you could tell it hurt, but she held on....then it was my turn. I always forget the 1st sting your skin feels when the needle pricks it, no not pricking, slicing your skin. My endorphins took a long time to stop most of the pain, but somehow it felt right. With the pain of the tattoo so went the pain in my heart and in my soul. When the artist finished I felt like a giant rock had been lifted off my shoulders, cliché as it sounds, but it was true...my 4th saved me.  For me getting my 4th tattoo was part of healing. Not only did it make me feel better, it'll serve as a constant reminder of why I love being me, a promise I made to myself to keep my inner child alive. Getting inked or modifying ones body in anyway can be therapeutic for a lot of people. For some reason the pain can take away the hurt being caused by some other factor or situation. 
I now have 7 tattos in total...yes, I know quite a bit; and plan to have more...like I mentioned..to me they aren't just tattoos...they can be therapy. 

I decided to write this because recently I tweeted that I was thinking of giving myself another earring or another tattoo soon...and this started a debacle with some of my friends, most in favor for one or the other, but 2 in particular grabbed my attention, one of them sent me pictures of little old ladies with lower back tattoos and another told me to remember that they were like diamonds...forever. This seemed funny to me, because body modifications are almost as old as human kind it self. Often they have served as tribal symbols, rites of passage, fertility representations or vanity; but for some reason people forget this. Having these markings on my body do not change my character, my intellect or my personality, quite the contrary. They make me feel stronger, smarter and more beautiful, when I'm a kick ass old lady I'll have a walking scrapbook with me where I can point and say : That was when I was ___, that was a awesome year... To quote my dear friend Frankie, they are like diamonds...but no one can steel my canvas.   

Un día aburrida @ the Souvenier Shop I work at

So, I was bored yesterday at work and I decided to just write a my random observations here:
10:35 (montada en la guagua)Yes! Hoy es mi viernes...ay noo, que la sra loca no se me siente al lado..eeeeek! Ahh ok, she sat somewhere else
10:45am (@ Starbuck's) I WANT MY CHAI TEA!
10:50 Hmmm chaiiii
11am I open my store, theres barely any  people outside....today va a se un día largo.
11:30 well, hay que limpiar el freezer de los Limbers, I guess I'll do that!
12pm ME CAGO EN LA MADRE!! Pq se me ocurrio limpiar la m%&*!a de freezer (I think to myself) Se me congelan las manitos!
2:30pm Hmm llego mi wrap de pollo!
2:45 Entra una sra y me ve comiendo…"buen provecho" me dice, le asiento con la cabeza y cuando puedo le digo que a sus ordenes, que me perdone, pero no tengo hora de almuerzo. "Tu sigue comiendo chica, que yo sigo mirando aquí" 2:50 La sra dice: "Oye ¿No puedes comer mas rápido? ¡Me andas faltando el respeto! ¡Avanza!" le contesto: umm ok, ¿Que necesita dama? "No te me acerques oliendo a comida, que vienes y me apestas la mercancía" Compro 1 botella de agua y un magneto
4pm Wow...creo que hoy nos vamos temprano
4:30 En serio?!?!?!?!?!?! Ok, so these Newyorican tourists (dad, mom, son and his gf/wife) come in and they ask me: "¿Donde you has the Dominoe sets?" I show them and tell them the prices, and the son literally starts screaming: "Nena pero tu ¿no entiendes que I want dominoes que uno puede agarrar with your hands?" I grab them and do just that y el tipo se atreve a push me out of his way and scream at his wife that I was the most inept person he ever met
5pm A limpiar la tienda!
5:30 La mamá de mi jefa me acaba de decir que nos vamos a las 6:30!
6pm Only 1/2 an hour
6:05 pq el tiempo no se va mas rápido?
6:30 Yes!!! Caja cuadrada, tienda limpia, ahora a guardar todo
6:35 Grrr! Pasan unos turistas y me dicen: "Are you closing up?" Yes, we open tomorrow @ 11, sir. "Ohhh! Then let's go in now"

S^*t Tourists say to me pt. II

Oh yes, I have more gems for you guys! You thought I was done?! You're crazy!

• Client: OMG! They have a Ben & Jerry's here! Me: Why is that surprising? Client: Oh...hehe...I thought you guys still lived in huts
• Your island is amazing, the people are great, so much culture! Where's the closest McDonald's? 
•  Client: Omg! I can't believe they have restaurants here! Me: Why? Client: Oh I thought you lived in stick houses
• While wearing a t-shirt that said 100% Puerto Rico, I got yelled this: "Eres una maldita socialista, revolucionaria, comunista y seguro que vendes drogas!" Her nationality, Columbian
• Guest at Disney: Sooo, how does it feel to be in a civilized country? Me: Feels the same, seeing as Puerto Rico has about 200 years of history over the US
• So why is the frog (coquí) so important? Do you guys eat it?
• Can you tell us where the nearest American food restaurant is? We're scared of your food! You know, we want something American....like a bowl of Lasagna
• Me: That's a Vejigante mask, it comes from our African heritage, it's used during carnivals and festivals for some patron saints. Its hand made here in PR and no 2 are alike. Client: Interesting...so they're from China and mass produced?
• You can't be Puerto Rican! You're too white!
• So how long have you lived in PR? 'Cause you're English is too good to be a local
• You must be the daughter of American missionaries, thats why you're English is so good, right?
• We had mofongo yesterday, it was great! It didn't agree with my son's stomach though, so we had to get him American food...you know Taco Bell and such
• How do you get your hips to move like that in Salsa? Are you a stripper too?
• If you're US territory, how come you guys don't have normal food...like hot dogs, burgers, pizza in all your restaurants? 

Ok, for those who don't know what a Coquí, Vejigante and Mofongo are, I'll leave you some links :)
Coquí  
Vejigante
Mofongo

S@*t Tourists Say to Me

I have been working in souvenir shops for about a year, plus the time I worked at Disney, and man o man have I heard some strange and stupid stuff come out of people's mouths in both English and Spanish...so here goes! (oh, I will be making post in both languages)

• Here's some American money, not the nonsense we got in those stupid islands
• So, when you give me my change back, I get Puerto Rican money back, right?
•  Srta. esto dice que es a $5.99, por ser latina usted me lo da en $2, verdad?
• I'm on the cruise ship!! I don't have to pay sales tax!
• Since you're part of Mexico, you're national food is burritos and things like that
• Oye! A los gringos es que se les cobra tax, no a nosotros los latinos...mas bien se supone que nos des descuento
• What time is the 3 o'clock parade?
• Client: How much is that T-shirt? Me: $12.99 + tax and I have sizes S-XXL Client: Oh cool...so how much is it if I give you cash Me: $12.99 + tax Client: But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? I'm nicer than most tourists are! Give it to me for $8.99!
• Do you work here? (in Disney polyester costume and nametag)
• Puerto Rico is US territory? I thought you guys belonged to England!
• Client: Señorita, me da un descuentito? Me: Depende de cuanto compre dama (10 minutes later) Me: Ok, dama! Su total es $10.70, como va a pagar? Cash o Crédito? Client: y mi descuento? Me: Dama para yo darle un descuento, debe comprar $50 o mas, es poliítica de la tienda. Client: Pero que injusticia! Yo gastando todo mi dinero aquí Me: Yo pensaba que había gastatado todo en el bolso Coach Client: Eh..Visa o Mastercard me dijo que aceptaba?

Why I dance...

When my body is in motion, nothing exists except the music, the drums, the dance floor and/or my dance partner. I hear the music, no matter what it always calls my name and takes me to places I only saw in my dreams.

I dance to feel free, to forget about life's day to day grind, to relax the thoughts that go through my head. I let go, I feel the rhythm, la clave, el yubá the trumpets, the voice that sings of love, lovers lost and lovers found, the sounds of a revolution, el sonido de la libertad. I dance because I carry a song with every beat of my heart. I dance to smile, to laugh, to cry...to feel every emotion in 10 minutes...and sometimes less. I dance because my entire being tells me it's what I was meant to do, what I was supposed to do...what life tells me to do. I dance...I dance...I dance because in every dance there is a prayer....I dance, because dancing is praying with your feet, your hips, your legs and mostly your heart....

I am done!

Wooohooo! I cannot believe I finished! Last night's craziness...yeah it's gone right now. I finished my final project and with plenty of time for me to actually go to sleep and rest :) To what I owe this success...why to Edith Piaf! Her songs helped me stay relaxed and not give up! Plus her voice just gives me chills when I hear it. To me it's funny, that even though I don't speak any French (ok some lilttle key words), but ever since I was little, I knew she was greatness and growing up, language was not an obstacle for me to understand her sorrow, pain, and joy, truly that's why I LOVE music so much.  I can sing L'hymn a L'amour (Ode to Love) perfectly and the 1st time I heard it...well lets just say I knew exactly what she was saying...of course then my Spanish kicked in and I was able to translate the whole thing mentally (yes, if you speak a romance language you are able to do this with other romance languages) Here is La Piaf singing: Amazing right? Her voice was very unusual, but yet so beautiful.

I must keep going!

Oh lord...I am still awake and busting my butt doing school stuff. Why you may ask? Well 'cause there's a Culinary Fest going on from tomorrow (well today) til Sunday and I wanna go! Finishing this stupid project, or at least almost finishing will enable me to get some ceviche, marsala potatoes and whatever else I find appealing.

With that said, I cannot wait to hand in this project, particularly since the...we shall call him "special person" professor left NO F*^&$#@^ GUIDELINES FOR ANY OF US TO FOLLOW and actually have a remote idea of what the heck it is we're doing! I had to do a survey to 50 people, but I have to put in charts or tables every single answer...all for me to get an A, I'm such a nerd. After all the precious sleep I'm losing...he better give me an A! You want proof I am going bonkers? There it is...
Anyways, I gotta keep going!

Distance...

Yes...I have been away from you, yes I have been a very sucky blogger, but I will change that soon!